AM I GOOD ENOUGH?...

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:11

Am I good enough?  In the nakedness of my thoughts, I keep tossing this question around.  It’s damning because the answer is so subjective. I’m not begging the question based on any one thing or job or relationship in particular.  I’m asking this one question of myself as I relate to the whole of the universe.  No way is that fair of me to me. In the big picture realm where religion meets philosophy and ideology, I probably don’t measure up. Knowing how vast and full of knowledge and information the world is, how could I be good enough.  That’s why Christ died, right.  Because in the beginning, man didn’t realize  that the knowledge of good and evil would lead to self loathing and perversion and doubt and fear and ultimately death.  Now, in the context of a job I applied for, my response is an overwhelming yes.  I am good enough.  As it relates to writing and blogging and turning ideas into action, the answer is, once again, yes.  I am good enough.  When it comes to being a wife and a mom and a family member, I believe the answer is that I am worthy and capable and able.  It’s not that I’m so full of character and wisdom and fairness and righteousness.  I am full of love.  I love God, I love myself and I love my family and friends. But even that isn’t what makes me good enough.  It’s knowing that I was created by God for good.  I was created with His purpose in mind, whether I’m aware of it at this time or not.  I don’t have to know the order or even the steps for God to do what He will with, for and through me.   I will submit that the love I’m filled with brings me to a place of feeling like I can.  Deciding whether I’m good enough or not really does depend on the circumstances or the situation.  But, in the big picture of this thing called life, I think the best of all of us comes out when we know and believe in something outside of and bigger than ourselves.  Some call it the creator, others call it the power of the universe.  I call Him God, and I know that in my unworthiness and in my feelings of not being good enough and in my disbelief is where I am made worthy and good.  It’s in the moments that I wrestle with my junk that God can really get in there and build me up. 

FIll my cup Lord,
I Lift it Up, Lord
Come and quench this thirsting in my soul
Bread of Heaven, feed me til I want no more
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole *

*Richard E. Blanchard, Sr. (1925-2004)