How do you eat an elephant?....

Ok...Those of you who are true blue die hard bloggers know that to really call yourself a blogger, one must blog often. I get that even though it's been three weeks since my last blog.  That being said, no one mentioned the appropriate amount of time off to grieve the loss of a loved one while trying to hold it all together or at least enough of it so as not to seem like a basket case.  Well, that's what I've been doing.  Since my last entry, I've been trying to maintain the household, take care of Grace, take care of my assigned duties in Pensacola as a result of my father's death and I've been trying to land a gig (that's cool speak for get a job in my desired career field).  Additionally, there's this overwhelming sense of sadness that just creeps in at any given moment without notice.  There are moments when I'm watching TV or Grace will do something or I'll just think about something that reminds me of daddy and then I'm once again at a deficit.  It's difficult to make the adjustment.  I'm certainly not the first person or the last to experience this whole " get back on the horse" thing but....this experience is uniquely mine.
This is the first year in at least 15 years that I haven't gone to a Florida A & M University homecoming.  Granted, this is the first year in many that I haven't lived in Tallahassee, but we had plans, including hotel reservations (funny story), to be in Tallahassee this weekend.  Somehow it just didn't seem (feel) right to be celebrating and living the life(as they say).  Sidenote: when I called to cancel the hotel reservations, I'd missed the two week cancellation deadline by a day and needed approval of a particular manager so I wouldn't be charged for a night.  I called and left her a message saying I'd just buried my father and wasn't up for the trip and could provide documentation if she needed it.  Her assistant called me back and left me a message saying I "wouldn't be penalized for the cancellation and that the hotel wished to offer its condolences.  Have a nice day".
I thought it was odd and funny all at once.  At any rate,  I find myself all over the board right now.  Grace, fortunately, doesn't understand the scope of mommy's emotions and has her needs.  I meet them with gratefulness. 
So....bloggers of the world and friends/followers of mine....I'm back with the intent to eat the elephant....one bite (or day) at a time.

...Changed forever because of you

You know when the phone rings at a certain hour, or before a certain hour, it's anything but good news....so when the phone rang at 6 this morning, I knew.  Well, I didn't exactly know, but I had a feeling.  At first I thought it was my alarm going off only I'd pushed snooze and turned it off by that time...for a morning workout that wouldn't happen.  At any rate, it's in those minutes, seconds even that you linger between what you hope is true versus what turns out to be true.  It's daunting really...you say "hello" and you wait for the person on the other end of the phone (my oldest sister in this case) to do one of two things....calm your fear(s) or verify what will ultimately change you forever in that moment.  " Daddy's gone to the hospital; he couldn't breath; Andrea performed CPR but couldn't get a pulse.  I'll call you back"
Well, it's those 20 minutes...the ones with which you tell your spouse what you know, check on the baby, and go down to try and start your workout to keep your mind busy... that really change you even before you know.  It's in those 20 minutes that you worry, wonder and wish....and in my case....pray.  Well, the call comes...."He didn't make it".  Fears actualized and worries overwhelmed with a reality that changes you forever.  I respond, " He didn't make it...so that's it"? But....that's not it...He didn't make it after 82 years of living; after a wife, 6 kids, a career and a storied life of obstacles overcome and dreams fulfilled.  He didn't make it....after walking me down the aisle...after meeting Miss Grace ( his baby's baby).  He didn't make it...but because of the life he lived and the lives he touched...we are changed forever because of..Mr. Prince Williams, Jr.
Amen, Amen, Amen.

Shaking the trees...hopefully I don't get hit in the head!

Well, with most of the boxes unpacked and the house starting to look and feel like a home, it's time to...find a job (GASP).  No, really, I want to work, but I want to work as a journalist and more specifically as a tv news anchor.  That's what I do.  At any rate, I may actually have some solid leads or at the very least, some good contacts that could lead to a lead (if that makes sense).  When I was in San Diego for the National Association of Black Journalist Conference, I met a lady who said call a friend of hers in Columbia.  Last week I made the call.  As it turns out, the lady who I called doesn't have a job for me, but she does have some connections.  So....she told me to call a lady and another lady...and another lady....and in the process, she gave me the names of two hair stylists (YAY!).  At any rate, it's all about timing.  I'm making moves, setting up lunches, finding daycare and expecting the best.  I look at the news and see myself there.  I believe I'm just as good (if not better....but in a good way...not a mean "I'm better than you" way) and I believe if I shake the tree hard and fast enough something will fall out...I just hope it doesn't hit me in the head!