Begin Again....or Just Keep Doing What You're Doing...

It's that time of year!....No really....we say that kind of thing often, but with this being the last day of 2010, it really is "that time of year".  What time, you ask?  You know, the time when we think about the year we've had, reminisce about the good and bad memories, reflect, take inventory of our lives and plan for the year to come.  It's funny, my husband and I were taking some time this afternoon to reflect and it occurred to us that this has been quite a year.  We both chuckled because we remembered saying the exact same thing a year ago.  We talked about the changes this year brought.  We talked about a couple of the things we'd like to see happen this year and how we can help them along.  After that, we rested because remembering and dreaming at the same time was enough to make us tired :o)  I know many of you are like me, in that you will not call them resolutions, but you will make a mental note of some things that you need to do differently this coming year, i.e, lose weight, go to church more often, meditate more, spend more time with the kids or your spouse, quit your vice (be it smoking, drinking, sleeping around, etc.) Hopefully some of you will do that thing that you've been waiting to do for years.  Some will go back to school, others will quit their day job and start their own business and still some will walk away from unfulfilled relationships.  There are those who will say "yes" and "no" more.  So....I have to ask....what will you do?  I know some people who just think of New Year's Day as another day in the cycle of life.  I get it!  They're doing their thing already; they're living their best life; they're in a place where they don't need to start over and they certainly don't need a "do over".  Good for them.  But, if you're not that person and you're thanking God for another chance....then I ask again....what will you do?  My momma used to say that every year has its number. What she meant was that for some, this would be their final year on this side.  Well, this year saw daddy leave this world and as I've said before, he lived a full and wonderful life.  Now, if you're blessed to see another year...I ask....what will you do?  Will you make some much needed changes in both your personal and professional lives?  Will you do that thing you've been wanting to do but lacked the courage?  Will you, to quote the late Michael Jackson, "make that change for once in your life"?  If you're already doing that thing in your life which needs to be done, I say good job.  If you're waiting, I say the time is now....seize the day, go get 'em tiger, do you....OK... you get what I'm saying.   Whether you need to begin again or simply just keep doing what you're doing, may this coming year be prosperous and filled with all the love, joy and peace your heart can hold.  Happy New Year!

If you're happy and you know it say Amen!

What is happiness?  It' a question that becomes prevalent around the holidays because we put endless effort into finding that perfect gift or doing that perfect thing to make our loved ones happy.  So, can happiness be found in a box, under a tree?  Is it the grand job or great career?  Maybe it's being a spouse and a parent and doing it well.  For some, I imagine it's living conflict free; no arguments or disagreements with the people in your life.  Is it the blessing of not being homeless or hungry? Whatever your definition of happiness might be...I think you'll agree that happiness is relative!  I'm reading Terry McMillan's sequel to "Waiting to Exhale".  It's titled "Getting to Happy".   In the book, we pick up 15 years later to see what the four ladies are doing or not doing to "get to happy".  There's death, divorce, disappointment and the like, and I'm only a third of the way finished.  I imagine that they have to go through something to get something better, and in this case, that something better is "happiness".
I watched the Barbara Walters special on Oprah Winfrey the other night.  Well, in hearing Oprah talk about her life, it occurred to me that she chose her path to happiness.  When asked about kids and marriage, she was adamant that they weren't for her.  She said that she couldn't have dedicated herself to her career the way she has if she had children.  She also said if she and her longtime companion had gotten married, they'd be divorced by now.  So, you have this billionaire talking about her life and all the things she's accomplished that would easily make me and a lot of you happy; but she also talked about the things she hasn't accomplished or conquered and how she chooses not to let them define her.  Of course, her weight was one of the unconquered.  She also talked about her relationship with her parents, saying only that they were fine and that she'd been able to take care of them as they had tried to take care of her when she was younger.  There seemed to be some huge gaps relationally. But, in that interview and I imagine in Oprah's life, she gave the impression that she'd decided to be happy with her life as it is.  And what a life, right....?  Does her list of things with which to be happy far outweigh what most of us are working with?  Does having more money than you know what to do with equal happiness, or are members of the billionaire club seeking happiness in its many forms.  I know, I know....give you the money and let you find out, right!  I'm right there with you, but the point I'm making is this...each of us has our own world of happiness where we are, and it's up to us to define it for ourselves, walk in that happiness daily and look for ways to thrive.  From the fictional characters in a book to the life of a woman who seems like she'd be the poster child for happiness to each of us, the journey is quite different.  I have friends who have changed their minds about the marriage and kids they once thought were happiness.  Then, there are the friends who have changed their minds drastically about the corporate jobs that were supposed to epitomize happiness.  There are the lovers who have fallen out of love; the financially comfortable who have overspent; the healthy who've become sick; the trusted who are no longer... and so the list goes.  We have all these ideals about what happiness is, from the simplest to the most complicated.  It's when one ideal of happiness goes bad or falters that we rethink our happiness.  Well, think about it, but don't over think it.  Some will spend a lifetime seeking and searching, while others are already there and have been for a while.  And as difficult or easy as finding happiness can be I say....If you're happy and you know it say AMEN!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

It  can be anyway....I believe this time of year is like that obnoxious friend we all have...you know, the one your other friends either love or hate.  The "holiday season" is like that.  It's a tough pill to swallow for some and a series of magical moments for others.  From November to January, the madness or the magic begins.  It starts with the thought of Thanksgiving turkey and the busiest days of travel and ends with the new year as we attempt to immerse ourselves in the newness or at least the beginning of the cycle... for better or worse.  It's a busy and full time (they're not necessarily the same).  You know, the time with family, the obligatory office parties that not only require your presence but also a covered dish, the holiday music (which I happen to really enjoy by the way), the elves (you know as in Santa....where's your inner child????) the shopping and of course the Christmas pageants or retold stories of the birth of Jesus.  It can be a very difficult time, too.  You know, the time with family, the obligatory office parties....you see where that's going.  I've found it to be a little bit of both joy and pain.  It's exciting because it's Grace's first Christmas. YAY!  We've been reading "'Twas the night before Christmas" to her.  She's actually pointing to the Christmas tree when the lights come on, and she survived her first holiday party this week.  Yes, she is a bit young to "get it", but she smiles and points to the lights and that lights up my heart with ease.  We talk about the birth of Jesus and she listens with anticipation.  Joy to the world...!
I also suffer a bit of sadness each holiday season.  Mom died on the 18th of December a decade ago, and there are memories of Christmas' of old that are bitter sweet.  We still have a pajama party on Christmas Eve.  We all get new pajamas.  Like I said, it's bitter sweet.  And of course, she and daddy are together this year which makes it just a little sadder for the rest of the family.  But, we are getting together here in South Carolina.  Dale, Grace and I are looking forward to being the host family.  The Wesson holiday season opener was in Virginia with Dale's family.  Grace's first Thanksgiving...I know...enough with the whole "Grace's first....", but she's only 11months and she's full of firsts.  Anyhoo, the holidays find us all over the place as is evident in this blog entry.  The presence or absence of the holiday spirit is evident in our lives.  Our friends and family pretty much know where we stand on the issue and they don't bother us to change.  So, as difficult  or easy as it is, this may be just the 4th quarter of 2010 with no bells and whistles and no expectations from 2011....or it could be a "really wonderful time" (if the "most wonderful time" is too far reaching) of the year...and there's still time to decide.

And These Three Are One...

Let me just get it out of the way for my die-hard Christians...I am not talking about the Holy Trinity.  That's not this post!  With that said, let's get on with it shall we.
I flew to Pensacola this past weekend on Delta Airlines, and as I usually do when I fly Delta, I read the airlines "Sky" magazine. Sting, the musical artist, was on the cover.  Well, Sting was talking about his longevity in the music industry.  He talked about being able to do the job of a 25 year old at the age of 59 and how it was "...a choice...it takes discipline."  He suggested that for him, the discipline comes through the mind, body and spirit being one.  Now, Sting has done yoga for more than 20 years and is a Yogi (as a result). For him it was more about "the body achieving its fullest potential and movement" and how the body can't do that if the mind "won't surrender." I like it!  Of course, the spirit is essential for the well-being of the other two.   So, I started to think about my life and how there are times when, if one of these is off, then the others are thrown off very easily.  When I'm not having my daily quiet time of prayer and scripture and journaling, my day tends to be less centered and is more of a free for all.  When I don't take a mental inventory of the things that are going on and prioritize them and go through the important versus urgent check list, my life is less centered.  Consequently, that can find me eating more which leads to the physical being off center as well.  As a result, pain and discomfort manifest itself not just emotionally and psychologically, but also physically.  I know...it all sounds a bit metaphysical and new age but that's not my intent. Not to mention, this is not so much new information as it is a reminder.   I'm simply trying to be the best "me" I can be, and if a part of that is maintaining a healthy spiritual, mental and physical base, then I'm for it. 
Admittedly, I haven't done that lately.  Fortunately, I'm back on the metaphorical horse, but I've suffered because of the initial fall.  I think back over the last several months, and it's been a whirl wind...A new baby; the end of a chapter in my career;  moving...wait....packing then moving...then unpacking; not yet having a church home; not knowing anyone in my new city; the death of my father; grieving the death of my father...ok...you get it.  A lot has been going on! Now, my full life is no busier than most,  but for me, the way I handle it makes all the difference.  Not to my surprise, the magazine (obviously a wellness issue), had articles  written by people who'd visited several different wellness resorts.  The resorts were in Tuscon, Arizona; Rishikesh, India; Maui, Hawaii; and Blue Morpho, Peru. Reading the articles made me consider that if all around the world there are resorts with staff and programs dedicated to the merging of the mind, body and spirit, then surely I could consider (or reconsider) it in my space.  "Look within"...."set your intentions"..."take the leap"..."check in for spiritual rehab"...All of these were headlines, so to speak, for what the resorts were offering.  Well, I'm not in an exotic location (at least I don't think so :o), but I plan to explore my own wellness right here in Columbia, South Carolina....mind, body and spirit...and these three are one.

The weight is over...

 It's time for me to pay the piper.  I've been running/jogging for 13 years, and during that time, I've been constantly reminded of how bad running can be for your knees.  Well, my knees hurt...now, earlier today and probably later, too.  Now in all fairness, I have to say I don't believe it's just the running in my case.  I weigh more now than I have in ten years, I had a baby 10 months ago (and I dare not talk about fat pockets that seemed to have multiplied since that experience) and the mother of all my reasons (excuses...whatever)...I'm ten years older (GASP).  Having said all of that and given myself plenty of room to get off the hook, I know I  have to get some of this weight off instead.  In the spirit of full disclosure (or maybe partial disclosure), I can't walk into the stores like I once could and just get that cute top on sale because it's sure to fit.  Nope, I'm having to look for cute clothes again and pay more money ...perhaps for more material (SIGH).  I'm also finding more clothes in my closet that don't fit! And my knees hurt!!!  So, as Donna Joyner said this morning in my Body Gospel workout, I'm going to succeed on purpose.  I know, I know....I have to once again live committed to a lifestyle of fitness.  You know, back to a time when I exercised at least 6 days a week, sometimes twice a day; said no to mayonnaise and cheese; wrote down what I put in my mouth; and enjoyed less red wine.  Ahhhh, days of old when my knees didn't hurt and my favorite jeans fit....oh how I  miss thee...but don't worry, we'll be together again.  I remember when I lost over 80 pounds ten years ago, it was because I wanted a career on TV ( and you know what they say about the camera).  Well, I still want a career on TV, but I also want to feel better physically and, on some level, emotionally.  Granted, I'm not carrying around the weight of the world.  I realize it's all relative in terms of fat, skinny and the like.  But, I am carrying around extra weight that amounts to the size of a young child... and that kid has to go!  My husband is supportive and even doing his own thing to live a healthier life (YAY Dale!).  So, here's the part where I invite you to get on the bandwagon with me.  Start your workouts and your healthy eating today!  I know we tend to wait when it comes to starting the things that seem huge to accomplish but....if you're like me, you don't have a choice, and  the weight is over!

Sidenote:  I'd love to hear from you if you are or have been in this struggle.  Let me know what works best for you or just leave a word or encouragement.  LET'S DO IT on three....one, two, three...."LET'S DO IT!"

....And that is all!

GET OUT AND VOTE....and that is all!

Just treats....is that okay?

So, I've been planning to write all day and Grace's first nap was a wee one and well...you know...where does the time go.?!  Anyhoo...yesterday, Grace experienced her first All Saints Eve or Halloween, as it's more commonly called, (and as it will be referred to for the purposes of this entry).  I got a variety of feedback as it pertains to observing Halloween.  I got..."Grace is doing Halloween?", and there were several statements of "I don't do Halloween".  I don't think anyone meant to suggest that we were doing something wrong (at least I hope not) by dressing up Grace in a cute tutu  that her Granny Rose sent her.  I hope not!  I mean, as a Christian ( and here's the rub), I get the implication of Halloween.  There's supposedly this thin line between this and other worlds, and it allows spirits (good and bad) to come forth.  That even sounds wicked and certainly not like something I would let my 9 month old daughter participate in, right?  But what about the candy (that she can't even eat), or the cute little tutu (that her grandmother bought her) or the cute little kids who ring the door bell dressed up in all manner of costumes...most of which are more adorable than anything else?  What about the fact that I was allowed by my parents to dress up and go out at night, scared out of my mind, and knock on doors for candy or whatever other treats might come my way?  To that some have said, when you know better, you must do better.  I agree wholeheartedly.  I'm more interested in Harvest Festivals or Fall Carnivals or All Saints' Eve Days.  I seek out the pumpkin patches and hay rides and fun and games with hot chocolate.  But I also wanted Grace to dress up and take a picture on what was her first Halloween.  Her older sister is even picking out next year's costume (Tiana it is), should Grace continue to "do Halloween".  Well, she didn't go door to door; mostly because it would have been more work for me and we have a limited selection of neighbors.  But she did experience Halloween so say the pictures.  Sidenote:  see her cute pictures below.   I turned out ok (I think :o), and I experienced Halloween for many years.  And the truth of the matter is, she, as we all do, will make her own choice when she's of age.  Heaven forbid I should be a grandmother someday and Grace finds herself in my shoes (GASP).  In any case, this year, I'm the mommy and Grace had a Halloween with just treats....and that's okay with me! 

How do you eat an elephant?....

Ok...Those of you who are true blue die hard bloggers know that to really call yourself a blogger, one must blog often. I get that even though it's been three weeks since my last blog.  That being said, no one mentioned the appropriate amount of time off to grieve the loss of a loved one while trying to hold it all together or at least enough of it so as not to seem like a basket case.  Well, that's what I've been doing.  Since my last entry, I've been trying to maintain the household, take care of Grace, take care of my assigned duties in Pensacola as a result of my father's death and I've been trying to land a gig (that's cool speak for get a job in my desired career field).  Additionally, there's this overwhelming sense of sadness that just creeps in at any given moment without notice.  There are moments when I'm watching TV or Grace will do something or I'll just think about something that reminds me of daddy and then I'm once again at a deficit.  It's difficult to make the adjustment.  I'm certainly not the first person or the last to experience this whole " get back on the horse" thing but....this experience is uniquely mine.
This is the first year in at least 15 years that I haven't gone to a Florida A & M University homecoming.  Granted, this is the first year in many that I haven't lived in Tallahassee, but we had plans, including hotel reservations (funny story), to be in Tallahassee this weekend.  Somehow it just didn't seem (feel) right to be celebrating and living the life(as they say).  Sidenote: when I called to cancel the hotel reservations, I'd missed the two week cancellation deadline by a day and needed approval of a particular manager so I wouldn't be charged for a night.  I called and left her a message saying I'd just buried my father and wasn't up for the trip and could provide documentation if she needed it.  Her assistant called me back and left me a message saying I "wouldn't be penalized for the cancellation and that the hotel wished to offer its condolences.  Have a nice day".
I thought it was odd and funny all at once.  At any rate,  I find myself all over the board right now.  Grace, fortunately, doesn't understand the scope of mommy's emotions and has her needs.  I meet them with gratefulness. 
So....bloggers of the world and friends/followers of mine....I'm back with the intent to eat the elephant....one bite (or day) at a time.

...Changed forever because of you

You know when the phone rings at a certain hour, or before a certain hour, it's anything but good news....so when the phone rang at 6 this morning, I knew.  Well, I didn't exactly know, but I had a feeling.  At first I thought it was my alarm going off only I'd pushed snooze and turned it off by that time...for a morning workout that wouldn't happen.  At any rate, it's in those minutes, seconds even that you linger between what you hope is true versus what turns out to be true.  It's daunting really...you say "hello" and you wait for the person on the other end of the phone (my oldest sister in this case) to do one of two things....calm your fear(s) or verify what will ultimately change you forever in that moment.  " Daddy's gone to the hospital; he couldn't breath; Andrea performed CPR but couldn't get a pulse.  I'll call you back"
Well, it's those 20 minutes...the ones with which you tell your spouse what you know, check on the baby, and go down to try and start your workout to keep your mind busy... that really change you even before you know.  It's in those 20 minutes that you worry, wonder and wish....and in my case....pray.  Well, the call comes...."He didn't make it".  Fears actualized and worries overwhelmed with a reality that changes you forever.  I respond, " He didn't make it...so that's it"? But....that's not it...He didn't make it after 82 years of living; after a wife, 6 kids, a career and a storied life of obstacles overcome and dreams fulfilled.  He didn't make it....after walking me down the aisle...after meeting Miss Grace ( his baby's baby).  He didn't make it...but because of the life he lived and the lives he touched...we are changed forever because of..Mr. Prince Williams, Jr.
Amen, Amen, Amen.

Shaking the trees...hopefully I don't get hit in the head!

Well, with most of the boxes unpacked and the house starting to look and feel like a home, it's time to...find a job (GASP).  No, really, I want to work, but I want to work as a journalist and more specifically as a tv news anchor.  That's what I do.  At any rate, I may actually have some solid leads or at the very least, some good contacts that could lead to a lead (if that makes sense).  When I was in San Diego for the National Association of Black Journalist Conference, I met a lady who said call a friend of hers in Columbia.  Last week I made the call.  As it turns out, the lady who I called doesn't have a job for me, but she does have some connections.  So....she told me to call a lady and another lady...and another lady....and in the process, she gave me the names of two hair stylists (YAY!).  At any rate, it's all about timing.  I'm making moves, setting up lunches, finding daycare and expecting the best.  I look at the news and see myself there.  I believe I'm just as good (if not better....but in a good way...not a mean "I'm better than you" way) and I believe if I shake the tree hard and fast enough something will fall out...I just hope it doesn't hit me in the head!