Leaning Into Grateful...

I've been thinking about this lately...
What are the things that could make my "good/charmed life" more Godly.  (tossing this around over and over in my head)...
I try and lean into grateful everyday.
Some days that looks like an extended prayer/devotion time; others days it may be an intentional conversation with a friend I haven't talked to in a while; on a good day, it looks like me sitting and staring at a tree or rain falling or playing with Grace or writing; I lean into grateful when I'm at a stop light and someone is there with a sign asking for their need to be met; and still other days, it takes all I have to make sure I've said "thank you, Lord".  What I mean by leaning into grateful is really seeing God's grace and favor in the most mundane and maybe not so exciting parts of my day, my life, my being.
As the proverbial low woman on the totem pole at the news station, I worked through the entire Christmas week.  My schedule was midnight to 8 a.m. and on one day, it was even midnight to 12:30 p.m..  My producer wanted off, and I had the ability and graciousness to produce my own show and anchor it so he could have that time.  There were moments between wrapping presents, cooking food, making sure the house was "company ready", being present with my husband and child, and squeezing in a couple of hours of sleep here and there, that I felt a bit overwhelmed:o)....But, even in that, I kept saying to myself..."Self...you have so much for which to be grateful...including being entrusted with the task of producing and anchoring your own show; having family for which to clean a house; having a husband who keeps checking on you and your fatigue level and who doesn't mind taking up the slack; having food to prepare"....
I kept leaning into grateful in an effort to not lose sight of the bigger picture....
In all of it...God has granted me grace and favor.
I have asked God to enlarge my territory (that's one of those old testament biblical concepts).  Essentially, I'm asking him to help me continue to develop my gifts and talents (the things I'm spiritually and naturally good at and able to do in his honor) so that I might positively affect more people, be it through my presence on the news on Maryland's Eastern Shore or through my smile and kind words and deeds, or through my writing, or my child rearing, or through my Godly marriage.  Whatever it looks like and however God chooses to manifest it, I want to, as my pastor has said, "keep my ears pressed to God's lips".
A new year is upon us....and there will still be some who won't make it to 2014.  My momma used to always say that "every year has its number".  The older I get and the more people who transition from this world, the more I understand that.  But, for those of us who are here and who will be blessed to move ahead another year, let us make it a point and a habit to...lean into grateful!

EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE

A Season of Thanksgiving...

I sit in a coffee shop and see two men praying at the end of their visit and #I'm grateful
I chat with a relative stranger about the goodness of God and #I'm grateful
I go to our new church each morning to take on the pastor's challenge of increasing my prayer life and waging spiritual warfare and #I'm grateful
 ....

The list seems unending.  I have always tried to foster an attitude of gratitude (as they say), but lately...
I am in awe of the many ways I'm being blessed.  I think the ways aren't so new...I think my view is a bit new.
I feel revived...renewed...re------
I love the Lord...He heard my cry.
When we moved, he showed up.  He placed me in a work circle where I could nurture and be poured out salt and light (Matthew 5:13-16).
We met friends ( a blessing in and of itself) and though we don't visit often, I have people to call and at least explore the option of coffee or wine (pick your poison :o)
Grace thrives at school, in swimming and now in violin.  She gets that God loves her and she's thankful for her family.  I'm abundantly grateful for all of that!
We joined a new church, and when I say God is showing himself to me in new and exciting ways, I mean it!  YAY GOD!  
We have family coming this week and even though I have to work, #I'm grateful for family and the opportunity to host and the means to host and the joy of what it means to have my daughter's only living grandparent with us on that day.  I am grateful for all He has done for me! 

"To God Be The Glory"...
How can I say thanks
for the things You have done for me?
Things so undeserved,
yet You gave to prove Your love for me;
the voices of a million angels
could not express my gratitude.
Lyrics from <a href="http://www.elyrics.net">eLyrics.net</a>

A cuddle, devotion and a glass ceiling that sometimes still feels pretty high

What am I doing to advance the dream?  Am I continuing the legacy started decades ago by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and instilled in me by my parents, pastor, siblings, mentors....and so many others who wanted better....better jobs, better civil rights, a better life....for them and others?  I cuddle with Grace and I tell her how beautiful, smart, special and amazing she is.  Surely, that's a part of advancing the dream, right?  Allowing my daughter to grow up knowing she's great and destined for even greater because of who she is and WHOSE she is, has to count.  I devote my life and time to furthering God's kingdom, living a life that speaks volumes about my integrity, sense of purpose and self...and feeling dauntingly inadequate when I fall short.  And I work for and talk for and fight for a world where moms and CEO'S and minorities and the sexually ambiguous are cared for and treated fairly.  PERIOD.  I'm not the most outspoken and certainly there are bigger advocates for justice than I.  But, I do what I can in my little corner of the world and hope that the lives I touch and the impact I may have spreads far and wide enough to go that much farther... and make that much more of a difference. 

Lord, let there be peace (justice, healing, love) on earth
AND LET IT BEGIN WITH ME



Expecting more than I could ever think or imagine!

Lima Beans, Sweet Potatoes and Turkey Legs....

One of my favorite meals is lima beans, sweet potatoes and turkey wings or legs.  I grew up on it and to this day, feel comforted by it.  Today my momma, who cooked me that meal more times than I can count, would have been 78 years old.  I remember her with joy in my heart because of the things she taught me (how to be a girl, a woman, a lady, a wife, a mom).  I know the seriousness of clinical depression because of her; a woman with devout faith, but real issues with chemical imbalances that would cause a need for medication to simply want to get up in the mornings.  I smile at some (many) of the things I say and do as she did because I now believe them to be true, though back then, I was doubtful.  I am a practical diva with only semi bourgeois taste that include designer handbags and shoes because ....I was raised that way :o)  (that's my answer and I'm sticking to it!)  I know that it's best to just...be quiet sometimes and let a husband (a man) reign supreme.  Okay, well....I'm working on it as an actual practice.  I am that I am in great part because of momma!  Continue to rest in peace...Marsell Bullock Williams.  You are gone but never forgotten.
Here's to her favorite poem and inspiration! 

Don't Quit

by Anonymous

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and its turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about When they might have won, had they stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than, It seems to a faint and faltering man, Often the struggler has given up When he might have captured the victor's cup; And he learned too late when the night came down, How close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out The silver tint of the clouds of doubt And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worst that you must not quit!

Ask and you shall receive.....

I decide this morning that I didn't want to squander my afternoon away watching tv (except for Super Soul Sunday with India.Aria on OWN and I missed it again).  Anyhoo,
I got a Facebook message from an old college classmate to call her because I'd been on her mind  (and in her spirit and God told her to reach out to me is the translation), and so I did.  When I say it was everything I'd already asked God for in my prayer time; I mean it was. I wanted to spend a portion of the day reflecting and then retreating so I could emerge with the things of this season for me.  I said in my last post that I know there is more work to do.  Well, God sent that in the least of expected forms, and when I tell you that she blessed my soul with what God has for her and what she's been through and the good place that she''s in right now...WON'T HE DO IT!  
I'm grateful for the revelations as I sit in what I'm calling my "grow room".  It's a loft area at the top of the stairs and it has some chairs and a chess board and other games and photo albums to see "from whence you've come. "  It's a small space with big potential and today I was able to maximize in it.  When I say God knows what you need when you need it.....TRUST AND BELIEVE! Want a husband ...God's got it...want babies....God's got it....want a better job...God's got it....want closure on a deteriorating relationship....God's got it...want to know what's next....GOD'S.GOT.IT!
Lord I believe. Help my unbelief.

EXPECTING MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE!

The Fullness of Faith...

Is there any way to be a full time wife, mom and career woman, while also contributing to your community, enjoying friends and family and doing fun things?  NO
It's been a whirlwind.....I've been back to work full time for 5 weeks.  In and of itself, I absolutely love it.  I enjoy what I do and my job is a "get to" instead of a "have to".  That being said, I wake up at 2:30 in the morning to be at work by 3:30.  I miss out on getting Grace up and ready for school (Thank God for my husband!) I get off at 12:30 and am tired by dinner and knocked out by bath time.  I struggle to find the energy to do afternoon workouts, I have even less of a social life than I did before and it was already borderline non existent, my house always needs picking up, and I have to find time to even call and say good morning to my husband.  I know...I know...WELCOME TO YOUR WORLD, RIGHT!   I'm not complaining.  I'm merely stating that facts of my life.  It's a good life, and probably no less full and busy than the average working wife and mother.  But, at times, it is difficult to measure and value in terms of what I give up in return.  I am thinking about what I'm to be doing in this time.  I know it can't just be to get up, go to work, come home, go to bed and get up again to start over.  I try not to live for the weekend.  I find myself too joyful when I can sleep in until 4 a.m. (that's what time I usually wake up on Saturday's because my clock is off :o)
This morning, I got in my run,  a little housework, an afternoon movie with Grace and Dale, shopping for a few items and there was talk of a baseball game that didn't manifest itself... (GO SHOREBIRDS:O).
I'm grateful and blessed beyond measure.  I do question and wonder.  It's where these two meet that I find my faith the most whole and true and honest.  I'm doing that thing which I believe I'm supposed to be doing.  I wonder what else I'm supposed to be doing.  I want to do more.  I need to do less.
Lord I believe.  Help my unbelief.

EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE!

Do the things that WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE OR AT LEAST REALLY MATTER TO YOU because we don't have forever

Nope....this is not my category....YET (gotta dream, right)

The coveted shirt and medal!

I was exhausted, my hip hurt (it's better today after a constant barrage of Ibuprofen) and my calves were achy, but I finished!  My goal was to finish in 2:30; I finished in 2:34, so I wasn't too far off my mark.  I don't know that I want to run a marathon because I can't imagine just running for 4+ hours, but this REALLY MATTERED to me.  It was an accomplishment and it was a test of my strength, will and endurance.  I didn't even stop and while that may sound insignificant....it's not!  YAY GOD:o)

I'm sure I'm the least of people that Sheldon Martinez BKA DJ Saxwell would count among friends, but we knew each other to speak and chat, and his life affected the masses.  Yes, most knew him from his magnificent work on the ones and two, but he also had an infectious smile and was pleasant to be around.  He will be missed by those he knew and by those who knew him.  RIP DJ SAXWELL...  Well done, Rattler, well done.

Three years later, and it was a great first day ( as I knew it would be)!

Sooooo, I set my alarm clock last night but forget to turn it on :o)  Thankfully, I was on a regular day side schedule of 9:30 a.m. -6:30 p.m. today and tomorrow; which means I didn't really need the alarm anyway!  Now, let's hope I remember to set it when I start my anchoring schedule ( 3:30 a.m. -12:30 p.m.) next week.  For the record, I don't anchor until Memorial Day.  That also means I'm trying to figure out what outfit to wear.  I have a whole week to lament over it:o)

This morning, I dropped Grace off and headed in to a mound of paperwork.  It took me an hour and a half to fill out everything.  It was a process but, it was nice to fill out a W-2 again :o)

I met some of the staff at the station, helped produce the 6 o'clock news by writing some copy, checked the wires and the papers and email (which is officially set up) and chatted with a couple of co-workers in the newsroom.  Throw in a salad for lunch and a couple of cups of green tea and the day was a wrap! 

Dale picked up Grace from school and when I walked in the door, she said "how was your day today"...talk about a heartwarming welcome home!

It was a successful day by all accounts.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to be back in stride again!

EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE

"Lenita, I know the plans I have for you." GOD

I got THE CALL.  The news director from WMDT 47 News called me this afternoon to offer me the position of Morning Anchor.  I accepted!
 Shortly after getting this good news, I see an alert about the bombs in Boston.  I immediately call my sister, who lives there, to make sure she was out of harms way.  She was.  I'm grateful for my good news and sad for the loss of  life and the wickedness that pervades our society.  Ironically, it's this very news that I'll be reporting.  In the midst of chaos, God was working on my behalf.  I want to feel the hurt and sadness of people doing something for fun and accomplishment and entertainment being destroyed by evil.  It's hard to digest the two simultaneously, but to do that is to really feel and convey how blessed I am.  Thank you God that my husband came home as usual (with congratulatory flowers); and that he and Grace enjoyed their after dinner puzzle time.  It's in this normalcy that I'm able to celebrate what's good and cope with, without accepting, what's bad.  I say a prayer for help in a time of need and one of gratitude. 

From the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul.....

Grace had her first practice today as a Ranger!  It was just shy of organized chaos as eight 3 and 4 year old kids stood around trying to decide what they understood about the game.  The skill level ranged from kids who were literally glued to their moms legs because they were so shy, to kids who were knocking it out of the park.  Practice lasted for about 40 minutes, which was at the threshold of lingering attention spans.  The kids took turns hitting the ball off of the tee, playing in the outfield and running the bases.  It was funny and so sweet.  My support system has said I am in for ongoing ride of activity..."once it starts it doesn't stop" were her exact words. BRING IT ON!
On a different but aligned not....
I felt some kind of way last night as I looked at pictures of a close friend celebrating her birthday "party/club" style.  In that moment, I felt like I was missing out on something.  I did miss out on the celebration because I couldn't physically be there, but at a deeper level, I am okay.  My reality of T-ball practice and errands and an afternoon of potting annuals and perennials on the deck so I can enjoy them as I sip a glass of wine and listen to John Coltrane is---- not just what it is---it's my charmed life.  I'm happy for my girlfriend who was able to celebrate in grand style and I'm grateful for the life God has given me.  One isn't better than the other.  The two can co-exist to make each of us all the more grateful.  The trips are different and the celebrations are altered a bit to include kids, but the love of life is the same.  Whether it's a family dinner or an all black party with an abundance of Veuve Clicquot or Dom, we're all looking for unconditional love and acceptance in this life...of this, I am sure!

Gooooo Rangers!


EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE!

(my charmed) LIFE....in MD

The sun I packed in my bag from Florida and South Carolina finally decided to stop hiding behind the cold temperatures and clouds.   Today, Mr. Golden Sun shone brightly on me and all of the Eastern Shore, as far as I can tell.  Granted, the 87 degrees, I'm told, is as unseasonably warm as the last snow and cold blast was for March.  Mother nature clearly does what she wants.  Nonetheless, we made our way to the Salisbury Zoo and park after having a family lunch at a local spot downtown.  We are finding our way!  It's supposed to cool off a bit as the week goes on, but the reminder, that the sun does shine brightly where I am, was a good one.  Thanks for the grand gesture, God!

Got my Maryland driver license yesterday!  It's official now!

Grace started school this week.  It's preschool, and it's only three days a week and only half days at that.  But, the reality is that my days as a full time Stay at Home Mom are forever changed.  Once you start school, there's no turning back...only forward movement.  She's done well, and I can only hope it's, in part, because of the preparation from mom (and dad).  Our first homework sheet was the number "7" and our second sheet was a dinosaur color by number.  We have a folder and a cubby and a cot for nap and breakfast and lunch are provided should we choose to partake.  All told, it's only been two days but this pre school endeavor, I dare say, is working out!  Thanks for the grand gesture, God! 

Started swim lessons today!  She's getting it and that's evident in each round of lessons.  Every round goes higher and higher :o)  I think the biggest fun for her was putting on the new Hello Kitty bathing suit left in her Easter basket.  Whatever works, right! 

                          EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE

It really is FABULOUS!...40 THAT IS:O)

So, my dad used to say it's blessing to be on this side whenever he'd celebrate a birthday.  Having recently found out that a 37 year old friend of mine was buried last week, I fully understand what that means.  It isn't promised to us.  That being said, I'm truly grateful for another birthday.  I joke about being middle age; not quite but close:o)  My mom lived to see 67; my dad 83 and they both lived full lives.  It's not about the years so much as the quality of life.  Each day, I recognize the quality but today...even more.
 It's funny really, how a birthday blessing, in any form, from family and friends can brighten the day.  
*Phone calls, text messages, Facebook shouts, gifts, greetings and salutations have added to my joy 
*Good news from a bestie regarding her future
*flowers from Grace E. Pooh
*hubby's homemade cupcakes
And the list of things for which I am grateful goes on...
THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF THAT JOY!  I feel loved and cared for and that's a good feeling at any age!

Life in the MD...

I'm in the process of organizing my closet and wondering when I wore a size 10.  Needless to say, I put that dress and pair of pants in the giveaway box.  I'm actually participating in a community yard sale at the YMCA in April, so that dress and pair of pants may actually make me five bucks!  YAY!  Let's hope someone else can benefit from what is a very distant memory in the form of a lovely Banana Republic (one of my favs) frock.  REALLY, WHEN WAS I A SIZE 10!

My mortality has once again reared its ugly head...this time in the form of blurred vision.  Up until the impending arrival of my 40 birthday, my vision equaled 40 in the form of 20/20.  Now, if I'm honest, the signs have probably been there for some time.  However, on Tuesday morning, I felt as if I was looking in a funny glass.  I had to close one eye and squint out of the other one to get an almost clear picture.  I suppose I'll add finding an optometrist to the list of professionals I'll need in Maryland.

Spring Break is upon us and we're headed....somewhere.  That's one of the beauties of being in a new place.  There's a new lot of weekend jaunts from which to chose.  We're thinking Annapolis, Baltimore or a little sea town called Chincoteague.  Pictures to come:o)

My charmed life is ever changing...in MD...WOW!

Soooo, the kitchen is cooking ready, Grace's room is play ready (and she has a bit more space), the family room is ready for family:o) and my life in Maryland is happening.  We continue to unpack and get settled and grow.  We joined the YMCA last week so....check!  I marvel at God's grace in all of it.  Some days are overwhelming, whether I choose to be overwhelmed or not.  I have cable and internet and all the modern amenities for which a small family can hope.  I'm on a quest for gainful employment, and I continue to look for the moments of gratefulness.  Sure, it's not my intention to move every three years.  We've actually said this move will take for at least 5 years.  But, with so many dreams and goals, it's no wonder that we would attempt to progress where we can...this time it's in Maryland.  I applaud my husband/protector/coverer for having the gumption to say no to the least of it all and expect greatness for himself and his family!  YAY DALE!!! Yes, moving is a monumental adjustment, one that I haven't been able to blog about for lack of sufficient Internet :o).  But, the reality of life is that change is constant, and we have to find the opportunities to flourish in the midst of it all.  We have moved and are expecting ALL GOD'S BEST!
------
Grace says to me, "Mom, I want to be a boy."  I say, "you were born a girl; and you're a cute girl...and sweet...and smart.   Girl is working for you".  Now, Grace was just tossing about some language and thoughts.  I, on the other hand, was reminded of a very real difficulty of parenting; dealing with the hard issues with your kids whether you feel prepared to or not.  In this day and age, though this is not about anything LGBT, the choice to become the opposite sex is a possibility in some ways. In an instant, while she was just being a 3 year old who wants something different every 10 minutes, I was reminded of how hard it can be to parent; to make hard choices that may not be popular.  Grace becoming a boy is not something I really have to deal with, but, for better or worse, there are parents who are faced with such conversations as early as grade school and that thought burdens me.
------
After installing our cable, the cable guy created an account for me and my family....it's Ebony-Wesson....
I suppose it seemed an obvious enough choice to him. But, I feel disappointed and disheartened that I, without being asked, would be reduced to a hue and the last name on the account for no apparent reason.  Sure, he thought it apropos to be obvious and obtuse while I try and figure out what the password could be (my favorite pet being the clue).  The thing is, it's not a big deal, but it's insensitive and perplexing and unnecessary.  I was present and accounted for should he have needed to ask me for an appropriate account moniker.  As it goes, I will call the office and field a complaint.  If I don't, as is the case with many a supposed unintentional follies, it will not only happen again but escalate to a less desirable word. Welcome to 2013???!!! REALLY!

AM I GOOD ENOUGH?...

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:11

Am I good enough?  In the nakedness of my thoughts, I keep tossing this question around.  It’s damning because the answer is so subjective. I’m not begging the question based on any one thing or job or relationship in particular.  I’m asking this one question of myself as I relate to the whole of the universe.  No way is that fair of me to me. In the big picture realm where religion meets philosophy and ideology, I probably don’t measure up. Knowing how vast and full of knowledge and information the world is, how could I be good enough.  That’s why Christ died, right.  Because in the beginning, man didn’t realize  that the knowledge of good and evil would lead to self loathing and perversion and doubt and fear and ultimately death.  Now, in the context of a job I applied for, my response is an overwhelming yes.  I am good enough.  As it relates to writing and blogging and turning ideas into action, the answer is, once again, yes.  I am good enough.  When it comes to being a wife and a mom and a family member, I believe the answer is that I am worthy and capable and able.  It’s not that I’m so full of character and wisdom and fairness and righteousness.  I am full of love.  I love God, I love myself and I love my family and friends. But even that isn’t what makes me good enough.  It’s knowing that I was created by God for good.  I was created with His purpose in mind, whether I’m aware of it at this time or not.  I don’t have to know the order or even the steps for God to do what He will with, for and through me.   I will submit that the love I’m filled with brings me to a place of feeling like I can.  Deciding whether I’m good enough or not really does depend on the circumstances or the situation.  But, in the big picture of this thing called life, I think the best of all of us comes out when we know and believe in something outside of and bigger than ourselves.  Some call it the creator, others call it the power of the universe.  I call Him God, and I know that in my unworthiness and in my feelings of not being good enough and in my disbelief is where I am made worthy and good.  It’s in the moments that I wrestle with my junk that God can really get in there and build me up. 

FIll my cup Lord,
I Lift it Up, Lord
Come and quench this thirsting in my soul
Bread of Heaven, feed me til I want no more
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole *

*Richard E. Blanchard, Sr. (1925-2004)

I WILL DO A NEW THING...MY (SPIRITUAL) LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!

 For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19

 New dress, new shoes, new hair and even a new line of make up all because...we want something different...SOMETHING NEW.  When we want a change, we make a change....unless it's in our spiritual life.  Many of us have gotten into this comfort zone that's making our relationship with God....BLAH.  What's so odd is that when other relationships are....BLAH, we happily look for ways to invigorate them...to reinvent them...to breath new life into them so that all parties involved might be better served in the relationship.  That's the way it supposed to be.  If something is not working, or maybe it's fundamentally working, but you aren't as fulfilled as you once were, then make a change.  I grew up in the Baptist church and can, to this day, tell you the rules and regulations (written, spoken and understood) of the Missionary Baptist church.  But, when what I grew up with wasn't enough anymore, I sought something new.  I think back to my first introduction to the Episcopal church, the kids I was working with at the time probably had a lot to do with my shift.  I was working with high school kids as a college volunteer with Young Life (an outreach organization committed to introducing high school kids to Christ), and I was the Youth Director at Grace Mission Church, in the Frenchtown neighborhood of Tallahassee, FL.  Both jobs were so full of life and energy.  I was stretched and engaged and energized in ways I hadn't experienced before.  Taking kids to camp for the first time in their lives and meeting regularly with them to discuss the bible and how much God loved them was EPIC.  I was also having bible studies with like minded twenty something's who were thirsty for more.  Then, another shift happened.  I got a new television job and a new life and in all of the newness, I got into a rut with God.  I was making it to church on Sundays but more out of a sense of guilt or obligation instead of a longing to worship and praise God.  I would go to check the box.  I read and studied less because my life wasn't evolving around God and kids, but was busy with my new work.  Fast forward to marriage and kids of my own and a new reliance on God took hold.  Even in that, I still find myself needing to do more in my efforts to BE WITH AND GET TO KNOW GOD.  I know I'm loved in that relationship and nothing can separate me from that love, but I still look for new ways to say I love you, too.  Wanting something new in an old relationship doesn't mean the relationship is dying.  It means you're growing, and out of that growth comes MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE..(A PATHWAY IN THE WILDERNESS AND RIVERS IN THE WASTELAND!)  Sometimes it's hard to know what to do.  God meets us where we are.  He'll show us.  Just make sure we have eyes to see and a heart to understand what we're being called to do. 

Vulnerability...My Foot Washing Story

You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.   John 13:13-14

I participated in a Holy Week Maundy Thursday foot washing ceremony when I was in college.  I was mortified.  I have bad feet, and anyone who has seen them knows I’m not exaggerating (I CALL YOU FRIEND:O)  I get pedicures and keep my heels soft, but the hammer toe damage from days gone by is pretty extensive.  SN:  I knew Dale was going to be my husband when he said he liked my feet:o) 
For me to participate in a ceremony where someone....washes my feet... was a moment where I was vulnerable, scared, trusting and faithful.  I was open and revealed in, what many would consider to be, a simple foot washing ceremony.  I was able to experience God in a way that was very difficult and freeing all in one moment.  I trusted the friend who washed my feet to be with me in that moment with no judgement or ridicule.  I trusted God to make me whole even with my battered and worn feet.  In this Lenten season, I want to consciously trust God to pull back the layers that I hide behind; to reveal himself to me concretely.  I want to be vulnerable as I seek to be set apart for God’s use. 
What’s your foot washing experience?  Maybe it’s literally that or maybe it’s another moment when you , like me, had to really open up yourself and be stretched to see, feel and know God.  Prayerfully, you too are seeking God and making yourself vulnerable  so that your cup might be filled.  LIFT IT UP...and expect it to runneth over. 
Whether you give up or take on something this Lenten season is your choice.  The goal is to intentionally be more like Christ every day... all the time.  For me,  giving up alcohol and meat and SOME Facebook time or taking on a more rigid running schedule and website building project are just my concentrated efforts at a life of discipline in order to be more like and closer to Christ.  For me, it’s a period of sacrifice.  I wish you well during this time leading up to Easter or Resurrection Sunday.  If you call him Lord and Teacher, then look for moments to wash one another’s feet. 

EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE

Sweethearts of the bride..
Trips...talks....cries...confessions... Girlfriends are sisters we weren't born with but chose as our special girls.  As I look at this picture, I confess that 4 of them are no longer an active part of my life.  One by design and one because the circumstances dictated.  The other two....well....I'm still figuring out what happened.  The flip side is that I'm closer to some of the ladies in the picture now.  And, some of my sweethearts aren't in the picture:o)  You know, we live, learn and we grow.  We make mistakes in our relationships and hope the relationships can bounce back.  Most do.  Some cannot. I've told my husband that I see how spouses become best friends, if they weren't before they got married.  When the girlfriends hurt and disappoint (myself included), husbands listen as we lament.  Relationships evolve.  That doesn't negate the hurts or the longings.  That just makes us realize that we are fallible.   Some of the most precious moments and most difficult moments have been shared with girlfriends.  Am I a good friend?  Do I call often enough?  Does she know that, NO MATTER WHAT, I have her back?  Sigh....It's difficult, at best, sometimes to be the kind of friend for which we pray.  What I know is this....I miss my girlfriends.  I love my girlfriends.  I have been defined, enhanced, corrected and protected by them.  A part of me exists because of my experiences with them. Life is different now for sure, but what it was with you, girlfriend, will never be replaced.  If anything, I hope we continue to grow TOGETHER. 

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Still so much to get done.  The move was pushed back to March 1st for me and Grace, which means it will be just a little longer until my family is together permanently.  Even in that, we were able to find a better (for us) house than the one that fell through causing the push back. I KNOW THAT WAS GOD. I look around the South Carolina house and am amazed that I've been able to be in this moving mess without losing my mind.  I typically like order and organization and don't do well in mess (desk, car, life); my closet is a different story (on which I'm constantly working:o)  Being in mess for a bit has been tolerable because I know what's on the other side... LOVE, FAMILY, TOGETHERNESS, OPPORTUNITIES, PURPOSE. 

On another note...I'm a nervous flyer and have decided to own that.  Really, I just don't like the extreme turbulence and shaky landings:o)  I normally grab my husband's hand when he's with me.  I grab the cold, hard arm rest when he's not.  I often think of my mortality when flying and of my faith.  I say my prayers before, during and after the flight, and I wonder if the exhibited fear means I trust God less with my life in the air than on the ground.  The flip side is that I am reminded of God amongst the clouds and the horizon.  A work in progress...

Psalm 71:1-6

1 In you, O LORD, have I taken refuge; *

let me never be ashamed.

2 In your righteousness, deliver me and set me free; *

incline your ear to me and save me.

3 Be my strong rock, a castle to keep me safe; *

you are my crag and my stronghold.

4 Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked, *

from the clutches of the evildoer and the oppressor.

5 For you are my hope, O Lord GOD, *

my confidence since I was young.

6 I have been sustained by you ever since I was born;

from my mother's womb you have been my strength; *
my praise shall be always of you. 

 

EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCeP6bzx7xU  
(Jason Nelson's "Shifting the Atmosphere")

I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1

The house is sick, and that is, unfortunately, what led to me sitting still long enough to have some quiet time and write a bit.  Between Grace's runny nose and my stomach bug, we are home bound today.  During my quiet time, I read a forward from my sister.  It was Joel Osteen's daily reading, and it talked about "the Shift".  I've talked about it with worldly folks in terms of the book "The Tipping Point."  The idea is that it only takes "that one thing"...a shared idea, a conversation with a friend who has a friend or someone telling someone else how AWESOME YOU ARE to put you over the top or to help a person, place, thing or idea "trend".  God doesn't need any of those events to "shift" your circumstances, but HE certainly uses them.  Some of us are waiting for a shift in our marriages or significant relationships; others for a shift in our kids attitudes; some desperately need a shift in our careers. Some of us simply need to know God is there, and may not even be aware of the needed shift.  That's okay too.  Whatever it is, trust God! Lord, I believe...help my unbelief.

EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE!

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Feeling a little sad in the midst of all the pomp and circumstance and celebration.  Four years ago, my husband and I had just returned from New York City in celebration of our 1st wedding anniversary.  We sipped champagne and watched the inaugural festivities on television for most of the day.  Well, today, Dale is traveling to Maryland.  Tomorrow, he starts his new job as Vice President of Research and Economic Development at University of Maryland Eastern Shore.  He's excited, and so am I, about the next chapter.  There is, however, some melancholy feelings.  If nothing else, I'm sad I didn't have my man with me to celebrate the first family and MLK Day and all the feelings and emotions associated with all of that.  Its ALL good, and tomorrow, Dale taps in for the next round of his career and our lives.  I'm excited, sad, hopeful, joyful and elated all at once.  Go Figure! 

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"May your life be filled with beginnings: those moments of new discovery, of starting out to try something different, of learning in ways that make you feel young even before you have taken a single step. May your life bring you to places of vision: those high points along the way, where you look out over your life like a valley, and see the choices before you marked out like paths through time. May your life embrace its endings: those points of completion, when you know the journey is done, the work is finished, the light of home a beacon at the end of the day." 

I received this prayer/blessing from my priest, Father Calvin Griffin of St. Luke's Episcopal Church, this morning.  It's true that God gives us what we need when we need it!  And I needed that. Right after I read it, I went to the porch to watch the sunrise.  It was a symbol of solidarity with God and His promises. I.WILL.TRUST.YOU.GOD.  From planning, preparing and experiencing Grace's 3rd birthday tea party, to entertaining family and friends to getting ready for our family's move to Maryland, I have been a wee bit overwhelmed the last week or so.  It hasn't been that physically exhausting but mentally and psychologically, I hit a wall.  Thank God for my husband who has been so understanding and accommodating.  I'm excited about relocating and becoming a part of the University of Maryland Eastern Shore community, but it's also hard.  We've settled a bit into our lives here, and now....it's over.  I know finding a church and a YMCA and a Target will come as a part of my new discovery.  I'll say bye to some fast friends here in South Carolina.  Some friendships will travel the distance, but others will end as a point of completion.  God is sovereign and will meet me where I am at each step of this process.  I thank Him for high points to come and places of vision that will propel us forward.  Lord, I believe...help my unbelief.


EXPECT MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER THINK OR IMAGINE!

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Three years ago, my life changed forever....and so the story goes.  But it's true! To the tune of The Farmer and the Dell I sing..." My pumpkin pumpkin pooh....my pumpkin pumpkin pooh...I love Graaa-cie, my pumpkin pumpkin poohhhhhh!" The last line, when she sings it back, is....Yep, "I love Moommy, my pumpkin pumpkin poohhhhh!"  I periodically look at the birth video taken during my labor experience.  I'm reminded that it was not without effort and planning and thought and care and pain and discomfort that she came into this world.  It will be more of the same and then some to help her on her way while here.
We've been in swimming lessons this week at the YMCA and with each lesson, she grows, at swimming and life, and comes away soooo proud of her accomplishment.  "Daddy, I went under and I wasn't scared", she says beaming with pride.  "Mommy, I swim all by myself."  I was in labor for 14 hours.  I did not have an epidural, and it hurt at different intervals during all of those hours.  My blood pressure spiked.  I threw up most of a meal from a late lunch (not a good idea to have meat loaf and lima beans in the early stages of labor).  My water had to be broken, I went through two shifts of doctors and nurses, had a dose of pitocin  and finally delivered Grace Evan Williams Wesson while listening to Ce Ce Winans' "Welcome to The Throne Room".  Thank God for Grace and the difference she's made in our lives. With her, I learn more about myself and my ability to love more and more each day.  Yep, three years ago, my life changed forever and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

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Well, change is happening!  I'm grateful to God for all His blessings and this one in particular is just the way to start the new year.  Thank.You.Lord! More to come on that ;o)

A young friend of mine (not yet 30) was complementing on my weight loss to date and saying how she liked my twists.  I told her that 40 (as you know) is around the corner and that I was stepping up my game.  I said that in jest. Then I went on to tell her that I lost 80 pounds 10 years ago to find a job (in television news) and to find a husband (he found me:o).  This time I'm finding me.  It's an ongoing transformation that doesn't reveal itself until you're deep into it.  I think about my life now of being a dutiful wife who's smart, sexy and fun (I know my husband agrees), as well as an ever present mother who goes to gymnastics and swim lessons and plans tea parties.  It's very different from my life 10 or even 3 years ago, but it's where I'm meant to be.  In.this.moment....For.this.time.

Me, for now, is not the me back then or the me to be....but all of them were, are, and will be for the betterment of the me I'm intended to be.  Get it.Got it.God!

I'm powered by purpose and excited to go to the next level.  Every round goes higher and higher!