A State of Grace...

I think I am very much caught up in the debate on colorism.  For starters, I do acknowledge that it still exists, and I didn't need CNN to tell me that.  Dale and I barely watched "Who's Black in America".  I'm not a huge fan of CNN always putting Soledad O'Brien up as the stations image bearer of blackness in this country.  You'd think there would be more diversity but just about every anchor on that station who's supposed to be of color is what's now considered racially ambiguous.  IF Soledad identifies black, then as far as I'm concerned, she is. I'd still like to see more people at the desk who look like me.  Along those same lines, Grace was invited to a birthday party earlier this year by some folks we met at the YMCA.  The mom, dad and both children ( a girl and boy) are very light skinned with what's stereotypically called "good hair", and the paternal grandparents are mulatto. When we get to the party, it strikes me that I and the nanny are the only two people there who wouldn't have passed the "brown bag" test.  I started thinking about whether or not it was an intentional effort on the part of every person in that family to keep the fair skin gene pool alive.  I have friends who date exclusively in their light skin hue of the African-American spectrum for fear that any other choice might be rejected by mom and dad.  It's akin to the cultural indoctrination that Carter G. Woodson spoke about in the Mis-Education of the Negro.  That book was written in 1933 and yet, here we are.  I sometimes wonder if I'm more aware of it because of my dark complexion.  I'm not self conscious about it, but I am aware of it.  I have nappy hair and a wide nose.  My lips are thick and my eyes dark.  I am a black woman, but I accept that I don't have the black woman market cornered.  There are women of all hues who identify as black, and I respect that.  My dad lived in a time where they'd say, "If you're white, you're all right; if you're brown, stick around; if you're black, get back".  Now we don't say those words, but I wonder.

I pulled out my electric blanket this evening.  It's not extremely cold, but it's damp out and this blanket, AFTER MY HUSBAND OF COURSE:O), is the coziest thing in the house.  It was my second favorite wedding present after a pair of Crate & Barrel lap table trays.  TROUBLE :O)

Bought some walnuts in the shell.  When I saw them in the store, I was reminded of my dad.  We'd watch television while cracking our nuts by squeezing two nuts together. (none of that nutcracker stuff:o)  Mine would often be crushed into tiny pieces, and daddy would share his whole nuts with me because he was better at it than I.  I'm only a little better at it now.  Still more tiny walnut pieces than I'd like, but the memories are whole and fully in tact. 

In spite of and because of the things in this life, I aim for a constant state of Grace...and it's not of myself...it's a gift from God.